the way life should be

We are spending some time in Vacationland--the beach, the lakes, the mountains. More soon!

interdependence day

A poet friend of mine posted on Facebook today that his partner is participating in an Interdependence Day Parade at a Buddhist retreat in the Bay Area. Simultaneously, in my search for wisdom on a personal issue, I found a quote from Buddhist monk and author Thich Nhat Hanh:

 ...[I]f you take good care of yourself, you help everyone. You stop being a source of suffering to the world, and you become a reservoir of joy and freshness. Here and there are people who know how to take good care of themselves, who live joyfully and happily. They are our strongest support. Everything they do, they do for everyone. (qtd. in Why Talking Is Not Enough: 8 Loving Actions That Will Transform Your Marriage by Susan Page)

I definitely need to work on taking care of myself, and I know that a spiritual practice is part of that. In her book where I found the quote, Page describes what she calls "Spiritual Leadership," part of her concept of "Spiritual Partnership," and explains how one person becoming a "spiritual leader" can transform a relationship. One of her principles is that, when you are feeling dissatisfaction or disappointment with a partner, you should shift your focal point from them and your relationship to your own spiritual path. She quotes Thomas Moore: "Slight shifts in imagination have more impact on living than major efforts at change."

I confess that I have felt very much "out of touch" spiritually since Bob's death. Where before I often felt the presence of a positive force, a loving Spirit that provided guidance and lifted me up when I was down, I now find it hard to connect with that energy. I hope that will change soon.

remembering bOB

Yesterday was your birthday. Today is Father's Day. Missing you terribly. And trying to deal with it the only way I know how: writing.

Father’s Day

for R.E.B. III, 6/18/65 to 8/30/10

The blue pen flows, the gospel radio brays.

This day is different from all other days.

No mass, no kaddish, everything's been said.

We’ll plant a young tree with the kids instead,

right near the playground. Now we say Amen.

It’s bluegrass now. A love we shared. I met

my fiddle hero at that festival,

your gig. He died just two years later: old,

a lifelong smoker. You were forty-five,

ate vegetarian and rode your bike.

Six-two, one hundred sixty pounds of brawn.

I wonder if they’ll miss me when I’m gone—

the dobro twangs, the banjo taunts my ear,

the upright bass is—well, upright. Too clear.

grief for kids

"The grieving process is different for children," asserts this article. The piece is about a support group for bereaved kids, which sounds similar to the one that I have been taking Bobby to at The Center for Hope at the Cohen Children's Medical Center.

The group has helped him a lot--perhaps the most important thing is to be around other kids who have lost a parent or other close family member, to make them all feel less alone, less different. The kids get into small groups by age to do crafts and other activities designed to help them process their loss. Meanwhile, the parents meet in one big circle and learn about the kids' activities, and talk about how they can help their kids (and, often, themselves) through it. At the end, the kids come back into the "big room" and we celebrate birthdays and sing a special song written just for the Center.

The kids have been having some trouble sleeping some nights of late--not as easy to get to sleep, and waking up in the middle of the night or early morning. I'm looking into some grief-related services for children with special needs, so that I can get some support for Stella, too.

ducts.org issue 27!

The new issue of Ducts.org is up and running! Go here to read it. If I say so myself, we have a very nice poetry section, featuring work by Valentina Cano, Shanna Compton, Derek Otsuji, Elizabeth Poreba, and Dana Elyse Tarasavage.

Check it out!

powow poetry reading

Tomorrow, Saturday May 7, I have the pleasure of reading with Robert Crawford in the Powow River Poets series in lovely Newburyport, Mass. It starts at 3pm at the Jabberwocky Bookshop.

Join us!

this doc rocks!

Dr. P. defending the school's good name (with traditional Nicaraguan machete)

Forgive me, but I can't help bragging a bit about my Wonderful Guy. For several years now, he has been going on trips to some of the poorest communities in the world to volunteer his services, often bringing along his students from the Tufts School of Dental Medicine. 

In February, he went with three of his star dental students and a team from the Tufts Medical School to work in a temporary clinic in the remote village of Tadazna, Nicaragua. Since there is no electricity or running water, they cannot do most of the typical dental procedures we are accustomed to. Their work over 12 days in the village amounted to hundreds of extractions, and preventive care like exams and fluoride treatments.

As he said in this brief news item, the goal of these trips is "to immerse ourselves in both the community and culture to get a true feeling for what these people are living with on a day-to-day basis.There is nothing like 22 people all sleeping on simple bunk beds in one room and eating rice and beans at every meal to get you into the swing of things."

This year, apparently, it rained a lot, so they had the added fun of working in icky, sticky mud. (Don't feel too bad for them, though--afterwards, they got a couple of days of R&R at San Juan del Sur, a famous surfing spot.)

He is also on the board of an organization called HelpMercy which is working in Macha, Zambia. And he continues to look for new opportunities to contribute in the field of international public health.

The Tufts Dental Team: Nate Clem, Liz Turner, Brock Olsen, Dr. D. P.

This weekend I'm going with him to the Annual Spring Gala Fundraiser for Bridges to Community, the organization that partners with Tufts for their Nicaragua trips. The following weekend I'm joining him for the graduation awards dinner at the dental school. I'm looking forward to meeting the people he's been doing this wonderful work with, people I have heard so many stories about.